i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
