Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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