I didn't shave. On purpose
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
