Non-Jews are for practice
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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