I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
