the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
