Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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