he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
