i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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