so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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