sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
