I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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