WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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