Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
