A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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