Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
