I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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