there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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