Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
