The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
