so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
