What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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