The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
