he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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