it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
