Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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