Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
