Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We are all done wearing pants today
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
