I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
