They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
