What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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