I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
