Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
