please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
