Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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