Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
