i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
