sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
