i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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