he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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