I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
