the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
