My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Everyone says I win the strip club
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