I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
