I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
