I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
