But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
