We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
