what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Alive.
So much puke
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
