Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
