It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
